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RAH - RAH - RAHHOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS??!!!
Simplifying My LifeI hate having to make decisions - about anything. But now I'm having to decide what to move to my little cabin & what to move to a storage building. It's dawned on me that I've had things for years I like but I'm sick of looking at. So, I laid my back seat down so I'd have plenty of room and you'd never believe the stuff I loaded up for Goodwill. Now, I look at the remainder & see even more stuff I "treasured" for years that needs to go to Goodwill, so another trip is in order. I'm getting rid of stuff I thought I couldn't part with.
Then I have to figure out exactly what I can take with me to the little cabin. No much. It would be helpful to know if I'm going to be in this little cubby hole for years & years, or not. If so, I have a LOT more to send to Goodwill. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have room for this computer, but I haven't been happy with it since I went to DSL anyway. It takes forever to get on AOL & half the time once I do get on, I immediately get about 4 error messages telling me to log off & start over. Plus, the CPU sometimes makes a "grinding sound" just like my last one did when I burned up the mother board (or whatever it's called). And since I won't have a telephone line out there I can't use this thing anyway. So I guess it's going to be stored for the time being. There also will be no room for a desk which is a shame because that's where absolutely everything I need is right at my finger tips. Now all my important stuff will likely be in a box unfder the bed (out of sight, out of mind & I hope my creditors don't mind).
I went back to the little cabin yesterday to take some measurements and it didn't look near as bad as the day I was in there fighting yellowjackets. Unfortunately, a male person lived there first & not only did he hate cooking, but obviously he hated cleaning up too. If I ever get the toilet to resemble white, I'm going to expect a gold star!
Still have to go buy a refrigerator & the size I'm thinking of probably doesn't have an ice maker. Gee, it's so easy to take some things for granted! It's not quite as small as I thought it was, although my kitchen is still pretty much going to consist of the refrigerator & a microwave cart.....plus the little sink in the bathroom. Good thing I don't do much real cooking.
At any rate, Danny has to crawl under there to fix whatever it was that was leaking, plus figure out how to hook up my washer/dryer and maybe refrigerator (if I'm lucky enough to find a small one that actually has an ice maker) plus he's got to build new steps so I can get up on the porch. And I have to figure out if there's anywhere to stash my ironing board. It can't go under the bed, cause that's where my scrapbook supplies are going, along with my tool chest & whatever else I can get under there.
And here I sit, cringing at the thought of having to stand up/bend over long enough to pack & I still don't have any boxes  Boxes, Boxes & More Boxed11 pr 12 years ago, someone said she saw me surrounded by boxes....for a long time. I thought she was nuts. Then Jason died & his personal effects were shipped to me in huge wooden boxes. Inside those were countless carboard boxes containg his things. Not long after that, my sister (who had been living with me at time, decided to get married and all of her stuff was packed in boxes all over the living room, with bearly a path leading thru them to the rest of the house. The night they were loading up her boxes, my oldest sone was moving in his boxes because he was going to live with me awile. So I had boxes leaving through the garage door and boxes coming in the front door. About a year later he was ready to get married, so he packed all his stuff in boxes for me to stumble over until moving day arrived. Immediately after that, I talked mother into moving in with me and she brought boxes. Then a couple of years ago when she died,we were again surrounded with more boxes coming in the door.
Then I sold my house and moved eveything to this apartment....in boxes.
And now I need LOTS of boxes to pack up my entire apartment & move to the little building. I wish we'd saved some of those boxes that have surrounded my life for the past 11 years, but alas & alack....we didn't and I'm not sure where to get them now. But since my whole house is going into storage I'm sure going to need some
boxes.
I remember after getting Jason's things back that the woman was right, but at the time she old me that, I thought she was just a bubble short of level.
I wonder why that woman didn't tell me she saw me surrounded for a long time with money or men?
Home Sweet HomePraise the Lord, I've been offered a place to stay for as long as I need it! God does answer prayers. This one came from a friend/acquaintance that I would never in my wildest dreams expect anything from. Just goes to show ya, that when God's involved you never know what to expect.
I'm going to be out in the "boonies" and the home which she originally referred to as a "little building outback" is just that. Think storage building, the oblong kind as oppossed to the square ones. And think wood instad of metal. While you're at it think front porch steps falling apart. Also think.....NO KITCHEN. And just for the heck of it think SWARMS of yellowjackets, because that's what we met up with when I went out to look at the "little building"....inside & out. After 3 full cans of spray we'd killed enough so I dared take a step inside long enough to glance around. I saw a bathroom in one end (not enclosed).....just a shower, sink & toilet & a nice looking daybed at the other end. Plus some junk left scattered around and an old green recliner pushed up to the wall that they said needed to be tossed out because it's broken. There not only is no kitchen, there are no kitchen shelves. She told me everyone who had crashed there before, washed their dishes in the bathroom sink. But there's no cabinet around that sink so I guess you carry one dish over there at a type, stand in front of the toilet, was that dish, dry it and then put it......I'm not exactly sure where. I didn't see any selves or cabinets. No refrigerator either. And because of the space limitations I'll have to choose whether to buy a refrigerator or move my washer/dryer in. I'm leaning heavily toward a refrigerator since I live on TV dinners and need a plentiful supply to ice. I'm thinking SMALL refrigerator (but not as small as the office type).
As for cooking anything, I understanding past tenants used a one burner hot plate, electric skillet, or microwave, although I'm not 100% sure where they sat such appliances while in use, or afterwards either. They use one of those small electric heaters in the winter time and there's a small window unit dangling precariously to one window.
The building is sort of behind they're big garage and faces away from their house. It does have a front porch and the view from there is pasture and ant beds, but that could be worse. It could be facing a pig farm or dairy barn!
I have to admit I was a little stunned when I saw how small it is, but not nearly has stunned as finding out there are no telephone wires out there, which means no computer, or regular phone. Will be using only my cell phone. My computer....well, I've gone without one before for months & months, although we may be talking years and years this time. Oh well. Not the time to be picky.
My son when by there today to check it out and said he can make some improvements, but I'll just have to get used to the space (which is less than my smallest bedroom here). It should be a snap to keep it clean.
They're only going to charge me $150 a month for utilities and I suppose I can find a place to wash clothes somewhere within 10 miles of there. Oh, almost forgot, there's no closet to hang them in either, just a rack, but that will do. I'm a bit concerned about whether or not there will be room to set up an ironing board or not, but I guess I'll figure that out. Of course, I wasn't inside there for long due to the yellowjackets, but my quick impression was of walking 4 steps in any direction before running into some and that's before I get a refrigerator out there. Danny seems to think I could get the wash/dryer in there too, but I don't see how. I'll reserve judgement on that because he got a better look that I did. He has some repairs to make on it & since he's working a lot of overtime, none of this will happen overnight. But my lease is up either January 1 or February 1, so maybe it will work out without me having to break the lease. If I have a break it, it will make it that much harder to find another apartment if I need too.
Meanwhile, I'll have to rent a pretty large storage building to store everything I have that I'm not carting off to the goodwill.
Obviously I don't have to hurry.
I lived in some plenty of dumps while growing up, but now they look like mansions. LOL Bet not a single one of you out there ever had to live in a storage shed!.
Personally, though it doesn't sound like it here, I'm just praising the Lord, because anything beats walking the streets all day and sleeping in a night shelter.
And God knows I've come through some pretty tough tests before, so this one should be a snap. I don't know why my trail has taken this strange turn, but then I haven't known for over 10 years. All I know for sure is that God's in His Heaven, All's right with the world. An Apology To My FamilyOkay, somehow one blog I wrote got blown completely out of proportion & by the time someone in the family called & asked me what was going on, the story was that I was saying "bad stuff about the whole family" and "sending it out all over the internet." That's what happens as one story goes through 3 or 4 people. I'm blogging now so that one will move to the archives sooner. I still pretty much stand by what I said in the original blog, but I apologize to the entire family (past, present & future) for having blogged about my feelings regarding a place to stay.
In the beginning I had no idea my situation would turn out like it has, but when I first mentioned to a family member that I really needed someone's spare room so I could get out from under my $600 apartment rent & therefore postpone the demise of my savings account, there may have been a misunderstanding. I wasn't asking anyone to support me at the time, just give me a room to live in & I would buy my own food plus pay whatever they thought was fair toward the utilities. And I'm very good at staying in one room & out of everyone's hair. I was not asking anyone to support me completely. Although if it takes more than a year for my SS Disability to go through, I might run out of money while living with a family member. Of course, when it does go through, I get back pay from the date my disability began until I receive an approval. That's what I'll pay the lawyer with, as well as reimburse anyone who had to assist me financially.
Either way, it's a moot point now. I felt extremely let down & it hurt too. In turn, I may have hurt members of the family by posting that blog. If so, I'm truly sorry. In the future I won't air our dirty laundry in such a public forum. I've really prayed that God will remove the hurt & the bitterness I still have over this subject. He hasn't taken it away yet, perhaps because of that very blog I wrote. I have felt Him looking very sternly at me for about 3 days now, & every time I do, my mind goes to that blog. How much plainer could it be?
Once again, I am very sorry if I hurt any of the family & I'll try not to let my emotions of the moment get the best of me. I'm still praying about the entire situation and will continue to do so until I receive God's peace "which passeth understanding." My Grandson, Casey MackOk, the football season has officially ended for the Kerr M.S. Cougars (7th Grade). We beat those nasty ol' Brewer Bears 30-0. Casey had informed me already that in every game we've won this year (only lost 2) he had made a touchdown & 2 point conversion in every one.
Of course, I'm trying to get pictures, which is not easy to do. I get all focused on him, the ball is snapped, they run around like a swarm of fire ants that are extremely hard to distinguish when looking through 2" x 3" viewfinder when you're as blind as I am. Plus, I have a bad tendency to jerk the camera just as I push the button down, which means sometimes I only get heads with helmets on them or a bunch of feet. I really hate to do a scrapbook for this kid with various shots of his football cleats.
Anyway, last night he made a touchdown & I actually good a great shot of him running the ball & Crossing the goal line. Plus, last night just as he crossed the goal line he stuck his other hand high up in the air with one finger signaling #1 (I hope). I think the other MawMaw got a shot of that.
He's played really good all season & I sure hated to see it end last night as it had become the only thing I had to look forward to all week. It was a little chilly out there on those bleachers, but that's football weather & I loved it.
GOOD SEASON, COUGARS!!!! Survivors of SuicideI knew when my son took his life, that God would work it all for "good" and I even witnessed 2 or 3 people who completely changed their lives because of Jason. Today I got a call from Jason's Naval Chief who has kept in touch over the past 11 years since Jason died. He needed a "special favor," he said. It seems his step-brother committed suicide about 2 weeks ago, at age 44. Their mother is having a particularly hard time right now & he wondered if I would call & talk to her. I don't think I could refuse Captain Ramey anything after all these years and the way he's helped me by letting me know there are still people out their other than family, who still remember Jason & what he meant to them. So, of course I told him I'd call her.
He accompanied Jason's body back to Texas & I think he was impressed with our family the week he spent here. Actually, I think he was impressed with Texas folks period. I remember him telling me how stunned the whole squadron was as the hearse drove from the funeral home to the little cemetery where Jason was laid to rest. They couldn't believe that people on the highway, pulled off to the shoulder of the road to let the funeral procession go by....the road workers who removed their hats, placing them over their hearts and stood at attention until they passed. Apparently they don't do things like that in many other states. I'm sure he was also impressed that our family didn't turn into a mass of chaotic, crying, screaming, hysterical people for him to put up with. (Only because we were all in shock that whole week....but don't tell him that!) We were impressed with him also. The personal stories he shared with us about Jason coming by to pitch horseshoes with him & how he always had on his orange Texas baseball cap (which I sent to Chief Ramey later). We formed a bond back then & I still cherish it.
I did call his Mother as soon as he hung up. I thought perhaps someday God would allow me to use all I learned about suicide and how to cope with it because I researched, memorized, learned much more about it than anyone would ever want to know when
Jason died. As it turned out, I was able to put her mind at ease immediately with just a couple of answers to things that were really wrecking havoc in her spirit. Praise the Lord! Her computer is broken, so I told her I would print some stuff from the Foundation for Suicide Prevention that would really help her, stories other survivors wrote, facts vs. myths about suicide, information on support groups in her area, etc. and I've just done that. This lady is 72 years old & I sensed a sweet, kind, spirit as I talked to her.
In celebration of Jason's life, as well as a favor to Jim Ramey, this is one lady I will keep in touch with during the next several months at least. I know she's in for more than she can imagine right now, but God willing, I can use what I learned to comfort her.
Our God is a Glorious, Loving God. |
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